Internet Dating Tips
Internet dating presents a seemingly endless supply of possible dates. And there's no intermediary keeping you honest, as might happen if a friend or relative set you up. Thus, a significant fraction of internet daters behave quite rudely. For example, I and my friends have experienced potential dates who set plans to meet but never show up, who announce an intention to meet then ignore any follow-up, or who ignore emails entirely.
Much of this behavior is rude, and there's little explanation other than lack of decency. After all, it's much easier to cordially say no by email than to do it by phone. So here are some rules — developed after discussion with other internet daters — about which situations deserve a response.
After a first contact
If someone contacts you, you don't have to respond. A response — whether a brief note or a polite decline — is appropriate if the approach was sincere and the person was reasonably in your ballpark. If they sent a form letter, or were clearly outside your stated parameters, a reply isn't necessary. It's always good to stress the unpredictability of chemistry rather than your analysis of their faults. Write "Thanks for your note, but I don't think we're a match."
If you change your mind before meeting
You might have exchanged an email or two, even a phone call, but changed your mind. Here you have to be more careful, because earlier you did entertain the possibility of a match. Try something like "I'm sorry, but I now think we're not as good a match as I hoped, so I'll wish you luck."
After a meeting
It's OK, after one date or even two, to simply let things lapse. Mutual silence speaks for itself. However, if one of you does follow up, it's rude to just ignore it. Better to say something like "I'm glad we made the effort to meet, but I don't think we're a match."
What if someone violates these rules? It's tempting to upbraid them, but they've already moved on, so why waste your energy? Focus on the next person and assume the best until proven otherwise. Bad internet manners feed on themselves — don't let that happen. A little courtesy goes a long way, and karma is a boomerang.